Agassi Gets Hall Pass

Hey Sampras, you've got company.

The career achievements of Andre Agassi are numerous: eight Grand Slam titles, Davis Cup stalwart, the career Slam, an Olympic gold medal, and iconic status. You would think these accomplishments would leave little doubt to his enshrinement into the tennis hall of fame. And while it was announced yesterday that Agassi will indeed take his place amongst the game’s greatest, it wasn’t a consensus. 72unforcederrors has learned that there was a small, but vocal faction of hall voters who didn’t deem Agassi to be first-ballot worthy. They believe is on and off-court misdemeanors merit a year-long snub. Here is the list of their grievances:

Introducing blatantly awful, awful fashion to the sport.

Denim? Seriously? That’s not a fabric designed for strenuous activity. Sweat sags in it like a day-old diaper. Yes, he likes to play it off as the naiveté of youth: “I didn’t know any better. I did what the sponsors wanted.” Sorry, no mulligan. And being from Vegas is no excuse, either; some things are just obvious.

Not showing adequate respect to Pete Sampras.

So what if he was one-dimensional. So what if his press conferences and interviews were dull enough to be shown on C-SPAN. Give the guy his due. Being Sampras’ bitch in Grand Slams finals is nothing to be ashamed of. Certainly not enough to go around trying to get even by claiming he’s a bad tipper; a slur that has zero bearing on their rivalry. Did Chris accuse Martina of questionable fashion sense? Besides, the charge makes the otherwise philanthropic Agassi the one who looks cheap.

Claiming he hated tennis for most of his career.

But what courage he showed enduring the pain to pocket countless millions in prize money and endorsements. He’s a credit to the power of perseverance.

Publicly crapping all over his first wife.

Metaphorically speaking, of course. (Although it’s difficult to condone the Cleveland pastime, as well). Regardless of his tacky attempt to sell her nude photo, Agassi’s devotion to current wife, call me “Stefanie” Graf is touching, even if at times a tad mawkish. Which makes the shabby treatment he gives Brooke in his tome all the more unappealing. Especially since he’s forever in her debt: she convinced him to discard that ridiculous rug. Other than when Britney went batshit, Agassi has the most famous bald white head in America. Oh that’s right, Agassi’s mistreatment was him just being “Open”. Which brings us to…

The Crystal Meth confession.

No harm done there. Nothing like making your sport look completely inept at policing itself. Just guessing here, but that probably wasn’t the first time he used drugs in his life, yet it was the only mention of it in the book. Does a $4 million advance only buy selective candidness?

Revealing that Brad Gilbert resembles “Early Man”.

Wait…that’s actually in the plus column.

Barbra Streisand.

What the f….

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