Baumer on Couch Texting Madhitter in Melbourne

MH: just came from Li Na’s press conference

TB: I can’t believe you went to her match. Her press conference, too?

MH: of course i went to her match! i love li na. she was really great. i didn’t realize she went to university for two years.

TB: Which one?

MH: she couldn’t translate it. something about a university in her hometown for technology. she studied media and didn’t tell anyone there she was a tennis player.

TB: Feels like the plot of an 80s movie. Did she make an important self-discovery there?

MH: she did. she decided she wanted to play tennis again. that’s what college does for you. her opponent, petkovic, also went to school and realized she wanted to play tennis

TB: I think at some point in our lives we all realize that, other than improving our tolerance, college is pretty much useless.

MH: don’t tell that to lisa raymond or john isner.

TB: At least they didn’t pay for it. do you think Li Na can actually win this tournament?

MH: i do! and, petkovic came in and announced the same thing

TB: I’d better call my bookie. Would she be the least heralded woman to ever win a Slam?

MH: didn’t barbara jordan win one?

TB: That’s true. That was back when nobody gave a crap about the Aussie. Johan Kriek won it two years in a row over the same guy in the final – somebody named Steve Denton. Can you imagine the excitement the second time around? A veritable “meet the fockers” of grand slam sequels.

MH: so, are we talking about the give a crap era?

TB: yes this would be the give a crap era (Russian men not included)

MH: well, in that era, i do think Li would be the least heralded winner. but she isn’t without herald

TB: or visible tats. Out of all the Slams I think the Aussie gives us the strangest finalists.

MH: it does. but some really emotional ones, too. i mean, can you get better than capriati winning? or seles returning from the stabbing?

TB: it also gave us Petr Korda trying to be Pete Townshend.

MH: ha! i think the men have been more unpredictable in the era of give a crap. you also had johansson

TB: The Swedish jockey? All I remember from that Aussie is the talent in Safin’s friends box. (that means two things). I have no idea how he managed to play matches.

think of these finalists: Clement, Schuettler, Baghdatis, Gonzalez, and Tsonga

MH: what happened to gonzalez, anyhow?

TB: I think he retired to his avocado farm. Or he’s hurt. Or he got hurt on his avocado farm. Yeah, I don’t know.

MH: should we talk about fed? he’s running over stan right now

TB:  shocking. why bother playing that match?

MH: i know. poor stan. fed is really playing with him. not exactly a banner day on laver.

TB: what do you got tonight?

MH: novak vs. berdych followed by…women’s doubles! actually, the doubles here has been really intense

TB: come on. women’s doubles?

MH: tonight we get huber and petrova vs. huber’s old partner black and the intense rodionova. tennis’ equivalent of running into your ex in an uncomfortable situation and everyone gets to watch.

TB:  and what will you be doing while this is going on?

MH: watching, of course. it’s a problem, i know

TB:  you’re certifiable. at least don’t do it sober

MH: i’ll do my best

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