Wimbledon: Women’s Semifinal Preview

If women’s tennis were a relay race, the baton would have been dropped before crossing the finish line. The rhythm on the wta is reminiscent of a Russian’s serve. Or, Ana Ivanovic’s. And yet here we are at Wimbledon with four women left including a past champion, a left handed Czech player who is a repeat semifinalist, and a couple of players everyone has put their money on at one time or another.

 

 

 

 

 

Maria Sharapova

She’s tall. She’s blonde. She hits hard and goes for broke. She grunts. She had a career threatening injury. She came back. She fights. She has a fiancé. She eats Russian food. She kicked some Cibulkova butt. She was the favorite of her quarter. She didn’t have to play anyone that great to get here. She could beat Sabine Lisicki and win it all if she nails her returns and pretty much keeps it together. Or, she can add a little visine to Sabine’s water on the changeovers and hope for the best.

 

 

 

 

 

Sabine Lisicki

She’s tall. She’s blonde. She hits hard and goes for broke. She had a serious injury. She came back. She fights. She’s German. She doesn’t make me think of Steffi Graf. She’s emotional. She has a baseline game kind of like Mary Pierce but she doesn’t talk about Jesus. She has a serve kind of like Serena Williams but she doesn’t talk about Jehovah. She was the dark horse of her quarter and has the best list of victims of any of the semifinalists this year. She could beat Sharapova if she plays lights out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Victoria Azarenka

She’s tall. She’s blonde(ish), She hits hard and goes for broke. She’s streaky.  She’s had some weird ass stuff happen on court. She pounds her chest. She brings up the grunting conversation. She’s from the land of Natasha Zvereva. She has a seriously great backhand. She’s been everyone’s dark horse pick at a bunch of slams and everyone’s favorite pick at a few more. She’s due. She can beat Petra Kvitova if she takes full advantage of Petra’s dips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Petra Kvitova

She’s tall. She’s blonde. She hits hard and goes for broke. She’s streaky. She said she remembered watching Martina Navratilova win Wimbledon but that happened  when she was around 4 months old. She yelps. She speaks about the worst English since Gabriela Sabatini. She was the favorite of her quarter and let’s face it, would have taken down Venus. She has the best all around game of the four semifinalists but is capable of looking like the worst player in the bunch.  She can beat Victoria Azarenka if she keeps the bad patches to a minimum.

Not to sound like someone who follows tennis but these semifinals could be fantastic or they could be dreadful. All four are capable of playing lights out incredible tennis and could produce some seriously entertaining matches that won’t bring out talk about Serena, Venus or Kim. They are also capable of hitting double digit double faults, fainting, getting carried off in a stretcher, hitting the bottom of the net in consecutive points, making horrific noises, and remembering things that never happened. Here’s to hoping we get a couple of good ones.

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